A Granted Wish

Posted: March 29, 2013 in Rants & Raves
Tags: , , , , , , ,

mom and me

Three in the afternoon, I texted my mom that I was home alone and that I was unusually craving for vegetables and fish for dinner; just a random text message to pass time by. Half an hour later, I received a text message from my mother: is it ok if she comes over to bring me the vegetables and fish I was craving for? Hell yes!

And at that very instance, it dawned on me how close my relationship with my mom has become over the past months. I have never felt this good about being someone’s daughter and this grateful to still have a mother to call my own.

I remember all my childhood birthday and Christmas wishes spent on wanting my mom to be a mother to me. Every birthday cake candle was blown with a silent prayer for my mother; each Christmas spent willing Santa to bring my mom my way. Pathetic as it may sound, this birthday wish went on through my early twenties. I thought the gods have gone deaf to my wishes; it must be tiring to listen to the same difficult wish every year when other children simply wish for a lovely doll and young adults for a cute dress or a hot boyfriend (or so I was told by friends at the time). Needless to say, I was deprived of a mother for so many years. She was physically there with me, but never a mother to me. We just didn’t have that kind of mother-daughter relationship. Oh how I longed for one!

In a gist, I was the untouchable child and she was the ever distant evil mother. I was my daddy’s girl, period.

Decades have gone and I am the last to run to my mom for help or any favor;  she may have patiently waited on the side to be needed (I understand now how parents need to feel needed by their children, regardless of age or achievements). Ever the stubborn and independent daughter that I was, determined to prove I can stand on my own and thread through life without their help, I believed I have gone pretty successful at it… until one day last year, I woke up and I just wanted to curl by my mom and feel her embrace around me. I was going through the biggest devastation of my life and I didn’t want to run to anyone but my mother. And she was there, ready to bring me comfort her own way. She came to my rescue when I least expected her to.

As I was sharing to her my shattering predicament between sobbing, she sat across me shedding tears of her own. I saw how she felt my pain. I saw how she wanted to take all my sorrows away. I saw how she wanted to protect me from all of it. I saw how frustrated she was. I saw how much she cared for me. For the first time in ages, I saw my Mommy and actually felt her overwhelming love for me.

To say I was astonished by her reception is an understatement. She understood me, despite the animosity over the years; she still knows me. She was being my mother. What was sad was I didn’t know this side of her before. Through my tears, I was looking at her with brand new eyes; I wanted to know this person more. And it took me an eternity to admit this, but I needed her.

Thirty-something years old, and only then I realized how much I needed my mom; how much I needed her love.

Finally, I was ready to let her in. I was willing to forgive and forget all the past hurts between us. I was beginning to understand her more, and regret all my judgement of her all those years. Why did we waste so much time hating each other? I just wanted to make up for all the lost time, while she has proven how much she wants the same too. Time has healed all our wounds, and now my birthday wish from all those years is at long last granted.

Our relationship is still far from perfect, but I know we are now given the chance to make it all right. It’s never too late indeed.

So this is how it feels to be “mothered”…

It’s amazing how having an open heart and mind can do wonderful things for our soul. How life can change for you if you’d only give it a chance. If we would only spare ourselves of the burden of harboring resentments, and focus our energies more on loving these very people who care for us while there’s still time.  Life is simply beautiful! I am thirty-something years old, and who would have thought I’d still be given this opportunity to be spoiled and pampered by my mother?

To the gods who have ultimately bestowed my wish: with all my heart, THANK YOU!

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Comments
  1. Beautiful post. I guess it’s not a matter of if it would happen, but more a matter of when. So happy for you that you have made peace and that you have your mother to love.

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