This Is My Heaven

Posted: June 21, 2013 in Fragments
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m walking on the shore with bare feet, enjoying the grainy sand and the sea on this glorious afternoon. I immerse my feet in the water as I contemplate in the wonder of the sea meeting land. Staring into the vast horizon, I deeply inhale the salty air. I feel like I am floating, or I may be flying. I hop, skip, and sometimes even trip. The sun will set soon and I’m basking in what’s left of its heat.

I hear two pairs of feet following beside me, and a playful growl by no one else but Sakura, our Akita dog. I run and she sprints after me. I could almost hear my laughter surround the entire beach. I stop to catch my breath, resting my hands on my knees. Sakura leaps up to fill my face with wet kisses. I smile and hug her.

In the not so distant cabana are two gorgeous children. One is a five-year-old curly haired girl in a cute pink halter dress, and the other one is a wide-eyed three-year-old chubby cheeked girl in a red tube dress. They are playfully burying their father in the sand. A sigh of contentment escapes me as I let the sight sink in.

I raced Sakura to the cabana, and she merrily obliged. I lay near the children as Sakura sat beside me. My eldest child, Kahel, my five-year-old ray of sunshine stopped playing and went to kiss me. Ever the jealous one, Yeshaya, my three-year-old bubbly angel runs toward me to hug me. I squeeze them both tight to me and I tell them I love them so much. Their father, half buried in the sand, calls to them for rescue. We all laugh as I reluctantly let them go to their father.

I lay on my back and allowed myself to be lost in the different hues of blues and whites of the sky. I let my imagination go wild; a favourite game of mine. There in the sky, I see a sword, a monkey, and I think I even see Jesus smiling at me. I smiled back at Him as I silently prayed my thanks. I am feeling nothing but gratitude.

I close my eyes enjoying the calming sound of the waves, tangled with the joyful laughter of my three favourite people in the world, and the peculiar sound of Sakura’s snoring beside me. This here is how life should be.

A few minutes later, I hear someone lying to my right side. I grin to myself. I felt a set of fingers entwine with mine. Sakura lifts her head to look us over, whimpers her complain of the disturbance and then goes back to sleep. My husband whispers “I love you” in my ear, and squeezes my hand. I open my eyes to look in his as I say those powerful words back to him.

We call for our children and sit together huddled by the seashore as we watch yet another beautiful sun set, leaving  us with a promise of a new tomorrow.

This is my heaven. 

This is how our life should have been if only I didn’t have miscarriages, and if only Sakura didn’t die. This imagined scene will always remain to be the only happy place in my head that I’ll keep coming back to… my heaven.

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